After writing that post last week, I was led to Sharron Matthew's updated website, specifically her blog. I read posts that were so open, so vulnerable, so real. And I knew, reading them, that I am called to be that as well, as scary as that seems.
Human Design has been a great tool to understand myself better. It's shown me that my life purpose (what is called the Incarnation Cross) is to guide through sharing my experiences. This is which is why Sharron's blog shook me. Not everyone is going to care but if you're reading this, hopefully you are one of the people who will benefit, who will find something in what I share that resonates with you.
A theme that has been coming up for me recently has been a need to be recognized - for my experience and knowledge, for my beauty and sensuality, for my specialness. This isn't a surprise as under HD, I am classified as a Projector (an Orchestrator in the new Quantum Human Design language). The thing about Projectors/Orchestrators is that we carry wisdom as we are here to teach and to guide - but not everyone is going to recognize us.
We are the Cassandras. Our cry is: "If you had only listened to me this wouldn't have happened!" Understandably, the life theme for Projectors/Orchestrators is bitterness. And there was a point a few weeks ago where I had slid into bitterness and didn't even see it.
At work, I was brought onto a project but my input was discounted. The direct result of that was that I had to work many more hours (did I mention that Projectors are not designed to work a full-time job?) - a 13 hour day once. There were a lot of people I was working with who valued what I did but the people who actually get a say in what I do hamstrung me, not letting me share my knowledge to help. I wanted to leave my job.
I may still do. When I took some vacation days off recently, I received a free coaching session (thank you, Sandy Freschi, for arranging it!). And in the course of that session (I'm a mental projector, we need to talk things out to a sounding board), it became pretty clear it's time to move on.
Eventually, I got to fly and I can't tell you how I lit up, how in the flow I felt. However, it didn't last long and here I am on another project and again, it seems my knowledge has been discounted. Tie that in with wanting more time to read, write, sing, learn language, contemplate, and play music and I really am looking at needing something new.
The other thing about Projectors/Orchestrators is that we need to be invited into the big things - relationships, place to live, and yes, jobs. While we wait, we study so we can shine brightly and be seen.
Right now, I'm becoming a lighthouse. I'm shining so bright you have to wear shades.
Can't wait to see what I attract.